he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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