Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
