either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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