she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
