My sheets look like a crime scene.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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