I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
