Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
