he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She bit a glass in half.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
MIDGETS
????
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
