I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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