im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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