My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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