dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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