Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
