Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
