I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
