You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
