You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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