Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
