Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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