The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
