i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
