I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
