Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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