By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
