I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
