Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
