I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
