so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
