Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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