you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
