I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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