The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
