put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
