My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
