Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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