My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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