There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
