I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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