My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize