i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
