I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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