i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
