If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
