Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
