imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
