thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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