fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
