Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
