i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
