Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
