why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize