I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
