No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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