If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
