I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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