My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
