I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
