Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
