When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He did a backflip because drugs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
