Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize