If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
even my farts smell like vagina
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
