My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
