he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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