A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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