I could have mohawked her pubes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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