I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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