at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
