Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
