We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The adults are the big ones right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize